I’m not under the big-headed self-illusion that what I do as an investigative health journalist would ever attract the attention of the White House enough to receive an invitation to join the Oval Office staff in its attempt to bring drug costs under control. The President mentioned that objective in his State of the Union message. I happen to have knowledge that the biological action of most FDA-approved prescription drugs can be replicated with economical dietary supplements. I’m just not sure I would even want to place myself under the microscope of public service to accept such an invitation. But I put myself through the mental exercise of what would happen if I ever did decide to serve my country by joining the current administration in Washington D.C.
I bring this topic up in light of the resignation of a male White House secretary over allegations made by his ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend. Should such an invitation land in my mailbox I would have to gauge what would happen. I don’t believe I would pass an FBI security clearance for the following reasons.
The first thing, the FBI would have interviewed my former spouse and listened to her allege I stalk and harass her. The family court was conned into believing that when I simply disagreed with my ex-wife over parenting issues, which is taboo in California I guess.
I thought divorce was defined by the fact two parties cannot come to agreement and need to part company. By my ex-wife’s definition, if I disagree with her that is harassment.
My ex won’t allow my 13-year old son to carry a cell phone on home school field trips because she alleges I could track and stalk her using the “find lost phone” app.
I have issued no threats nor used foul language on the family court email system I am forced to use (but my ex did say she “hoped I die and go to hell”, and she did leave me alone in a child counselor’s reception room when I was gasping for breath due to a temporary blockage in a coronary artery, saying “I can’t help you, you will have to call the ambulance yourself.”)
I did tell my ex in one email to “go blow your nose.” I guess that’s enough to claim harassment. The court said that was disrespectful (even though she has committed grand theft, corporate identity theft, and credit card and banking fraud during the course of the divorce, all with impunity – this is all in the court record).
Second, my ex-wife would allege to FBI investigators I’m a deadbeat father because I haven’t been able to keep up with full spousal support payments. That is after I found my wife opened up 24 bank accounts without my knowledge and $214,000 of family money has gone missing in the four-plus-year divorce ordeal.
My ex-wife bought silver jewelry with some of that money she absconded with and is now brazenly selling it online. And after the attorneys took ~$200,000 in legal fees, and the court allowed my ex to rack up billings for child tutoring with no regard to balance income against expenses, this left me in the red every month.
My spouse receives $4250 month for child support and is supposed to receive $6000 month spousal support regardless of whether my income is up or down. (All of my sources of income are variable and are based on commissions.) If my income declines or even if I am unable to work and earn a living at my age of 72, she can have the family court seize all my bank accounts. By comparison, my spouse has over $600,000 of tax-free money in her bank account. But I know, if I fall behind in making spousal support payments (I’m temporarily in that jam now) and she was interviewed by the FBI just how that would sound.
Fathers who are unable to financially support their children and have courts seize what little they have in the bank may decide it’s not worth living any longer. A no-fault divorce system that pays mothers to divorce their husbands and removes children from their fathers has been deplored for some time now, but no meaningful legal reform has been forthcoming.
According to one published report, 40% of divorced mothers admit they had interfered with their ex-husband’s access or visitation and that their motives were punitive in nature and not due to safety considerations. Another report found 42% of children who live solely with their mothers report their mothers had tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers after the divorce. This is par for the course in divorce.
In my case, the mother kept our child for 22 straight days when we were in between court orders. And four years after divorce papers were filed and family assets and custody issues settled (50-50 custody), my son’s mother has an action in court demanding 95% custody.
The problem is, the FBI is going to interview these same vengeful mothers who are likely going to jump on the opportunity to slander a father when it would do the most harm.
Third, there is record of my ex and her live-in divorce director calling the police numerous times. None of those calls amounted to anything and the police left after finding no evidence of threats or violence, and after police interrogation my ex admitted I had never lifted a hand against her during our 28-year marriage. But in this world of political correctness, the FBI would likely view those numerous calls to the police department as evidence I am politically incorrect to be considered for public service, which in reality represents my ex-wife’s harassment of me.
Fourth, then there were three hearings costing $6000 total to defend against child endangerment claims and a demand for restraining orders. Of course, the court found no basis for her demands and she didn’t even show up for the final hearing. But there it is in black and white, my ex-wife had to file with the court for me to keep my distance.
Fifth, my ex has convinced many third parties of the alleged threat I pose to her and our son. I’m sure these third parties would be interviewed by the FBI too.
For example, she takes my son to a gym for a self-defense class to learn how to protect himself from his father and I’m told she informs the coach if his father walks in to the gym to immediately call the police. This gym coach has never met me. But I wonder what he would say to the FBI?
We attended court-ordered mediation and while waiting in line to register with the court clerk, my ex-wife whispered something into the clerk’s ear. Instead of being seated in the waiting room she was ushered into a “safe room” because she said I posed a physical threat to her. Just what do you think the mediators thought of me? I was never allowed to be in the same room with her. She is a great actress and should open her own acting school.
And how did all this start? Did I run off with another woman? (No, but at one time she was seeing her ex-boyfriend). She alleged she wasn’t being given a vote on financial matters in the marriage. Only after the divorce ensued did I find she was covertly funneling money to her side of the family and that is why she wanted total financial control. Sadly and shamefully, this is all in the court record.
After my ex-wife lost control in disciplining our child and in frustration ran her fingernails down my then 9-year old’s face a couple of times and grabbed him by the nipple on his chest and twisted it, I had to draw the line and confront her over this physical abuse but she kept walking away from me. I finally had to corner her in her walk-in closet and inform her I would have to call the police if she laid a hand on our child like that again.
She filed a police report about that incident six months later saying I cornered her in the closet. Fortunately the police weren’t buying it. But the anti-administration FBI agents, they would have a field day with that one.
If you think I am publicly dumping on my ex-wife, I think it is the other way around. If she got the opportunity of her lifetime, to grandstand her enmity towards her ex-husband to a larger audience, she could bring me down from one of the highest honors I could ever receive, an opportunity to serve my country at the highest level. I might even lose my present employment.
Can you imagine I receive a letter from the White House inviting me to take a staff position in the Administration’s effort to reduce health care spending? But the anti-administration FBI would come knocking and the anti-administration news media would be handing a microphone to my ex-wife and putting her on camera. America would hear all the dirty family laundry.
I can imagine the TV cameras and reporters interviewing her now. “The FBI said they interviewed Bill Sardi’s former wife and that they couldn’t give him a security clearance based upon allegations she made.”
In a self-protection strategy against the #me-too movement, maybe preempting the other party protects one from being on the defensive for the remainder of their lives.
Yes, I’m all for the Biblical dictum: “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:28) I’m all for coming clean and being truly contrite about any of my failings. I’m no perfect angel. But un-rebutted accusations, especially if untrue, may become indelible, with no chance of ever being erased. They would poison a close relationship of trust any man has with his young children.
Few of the women involved in the #me-too movement have sought private apologies. They have sought to publicly shame (in some cases deservedly) and to remove men from political and business positions of power rather than seek private apology.
Maybe I can take it on the chin but I’m not sure that children or other indirectly affected parties can. By the time the truth is known, others may have quit their jobs, children would have forever distanced themselves from their fathers and other involved parties even committed suicide.
A woman can be so convincing, playing the victim role, spilling tears down her cheeks to anyone who will listen.
I can hear from my detractors now – “don’t worry Bill, you won’t be receiving any invitation to join the White House staff anytime soon.” But if I did, I would withdraw myself from consideration knowing what I would face under scrutiny of the FBI.
I guess I’m joining the counter-me-too movement by creating countermetoo.com as a place where men (and women) can bog on this topic. This movement is not for gropers, exposers or philanderers. But it is for gentlemen who refuse to have an angry woman destroy their lives and others undeservedly. For my child’s sake, I hope my ex-spouse never gets a larger audience to tell the same fabricated story she is delivering to a smaller audience via text messaging today. There appears to be a whole population of women ready to smear a man’s reputation should they be asked. I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of men who live under a dark cloud created by their ex-wives.